Thank God for Russell Brand

So last night I had a near death experience.
I’ll explain through a series of text messages between me and Terry.

Background: I HATE spiders. I am absolutely terrified of them. I don’t care that in the UK they are not exactly large. They creep me out and I don’t want them living in my house, esp my bedroom.

Terry sometimes works nights. He is a care assistant in a home for mentally retarded adults.

Here are the text messages;

Me: There is a gigantic spider walking towards me in the bedroom right now. I don’t know wtf to do. I might seriously have to sleep downstairs. All this time you’ve been on days and the fucker picks tonight to have a wander out of its hole. Take a break and pop home? Wahhhhh! xx

Terry: I would but this Nurse is a bastard and wouldn’t let me. Get something to hit it with chick? xx

Me: Well it was up really high but I got up to see just how big it is and it fell on the floor. I think it was stunned cos it just stayed on the floor and didn’t really move so I got that heavy Russell Brand book and threw it at it. The book bounced off it so I think it’s dead. I threw another book at it to make sure. I daren’t go near to check in-case it moves. It’s huge! Like 2 inches and its body was fat. Omg I swear I won’t sleep haha! xx

Terry: Look… If it bites you, you will die in your sleep painlessly… oh wait. Haha! Try and get some sleep chick I’m sure you will survive haha! xx

Cody and Reefer
Cody (The black cat in front)

Me: I’ve put a video on top off it now. I’ve figured that even if it survived the Russell Brand book, it’s got too many broken legs to grow back in one night. You will have to discard the corpse tomorrow cos that’s what boyfriends do. I’m a bit wired from my near death experience but going to try to settle down now. I should go on that show, adrenaline junkie! Haha! Na night chick xx

After that I got my cat, Cody, to lay with me. She has never caught a bird or rodent in her life but is the most awesome bug catcher I’ve ever seen. I felt safe knowing she would protect me.

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4 thoughts on “Thank God for Russell Brand

  1. I HATE bugs. And we have three cats here that refuse to get off their arses to protect me. Also, just so you know, effie and niles look remarkably like your two fur balls pictured above…

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    1. Mine usually don’t bother. Cody’s favourite snack is a blue bottle fly though, she likes to feel them buzzing in her mouth (cringe). I knew that if she was next to me she would get anything that decided to take a stroll across the bed covers though!
      I’ll have to look through your pictures of your cats again. Those 2 up there are Cody (all black) and Reefer (named by my pot smoking ex) he gets Reef, unless he’s naughty! Our third cat is Maia. She is a tabby nightmare and gives us a litter twice a year. We currently have 4 kittens wandering about!

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